(this entry was written on August 16, 2007 early morning after i learned i passed the physicians licensure exam. this was taken from my previous blog. i know how anxious this year's batch is, as the results have not yet been announced, delayed due to the bad weather we've been having. just hang in there guys.)
1:29 am
i ran errands the whole day. it was my way of releasing some of the tension that has been brewing since sunday, the last day of the board exam. i brought my mom to makati medical center for her regular check-ups. i met up with my intern friends (i was ahead one year) who were doing their internship at the said institution. even though it was raining like crazy and the majority of the roads were starting to flood, i lounged around coffee shops, walked around the mall, and played guitar hero at time zone. then i met up with my mom, who happened to run into my uncle who was a former commissioner at the professional regulation commission. we had light snack, owing to the fact that i might throw up anything that i eat. then he made calls and inquired when the results will be posted. 10pm, he said. start looking on the internet by 10pm.
so 10pm came. i logged into the website of manila bulletin. and there on the right side of the page was a box containing the list of board passers. what once only contained links to the board passers in physical therapy, optometry, veterinary medicine, and career executive officers examination, it now also contained a link of the list of new physicians. with my hand shaking, i clicked on the link. the page loaded up. it started with abad, april jo alagad. so scared was i at that moment that i didn't have the guts to jump to those with surnames ending with S to see if i passed. very slowly, i scrolled down, stopping only when i saw familiar names. and then the successful examinees whose surnames started with the letter S began to appear. scrolling down further, the surname santos began to appear. and then i saw the name of santos, orestes rafael lopez. he was the guy seated in front of me during the board exam. so that means my name is either after his or not there at all. at that point i was really, really scared. i so wanted to push the down button to see if i passed, yet hesitating for fear of disappointment. and then i remembered all that i went through up to that point.
june 2002. my first year in med school. we were only a handful from my class in college who went to my med school. it was only in first year med that i somewhat began to take studying seriously. i bought thick textbooks which i managed to read. i spent hours after class in the laboratory dissecting and studying our group's cadaver and peeking through the eye piece of my microscope trying to study histology. i first experienced interviewing a patient during that year. i also experienced failing my first exam in first year, having not failed any since i started in elementary. but i made it through with good enough grades to land in the middle standing of my class.
second and third year med school went a lot faster. i have grown accustomed to the teaching style. i've developed my study habits by then. i was at ease. managed to get good grades.
fourth year med school. medical clerkship. i traded my white school uniform to wear THE white uniform. i now started having actual hospital work. my stethoscope actually serves a purpose now. every other day duty, with actual patients assigned to my care. a very tough year. balancing hospital duty with studies was no easy feat. and the lack of sleep didn't help either. but i still managed to get through it. i finally graduated med school, earning the degree of Doctor of Medicine.
fifth year, post-graduate internship. i now have the initials MD written after my name. i started to wear that white coat everyone so dreamed about. no longer was i addressed by people as clerk or junior intern. now, everybody calls me doctor. bigger responsibilities came with the bigger expectations people had from us.
after internship, preparations for the coming board exams ensued. i started studying like a man possessed, reading through textbooks like there was no tomorrow. the pressure was on. squeezing 5 years of medical school in 3 months, that was all the time i had left.
until finally, the board exams came. sitting through 4 days of examinations, coming out of each exam feeling depressed and defeated. surely, i thought to myself, there was no way that i'll pass the boards judging by my performance in the exams. when i stood up from my chair and handed in my answer sheet for the final subject on the final day of the board exam, all i thought was that i'd be retaking the boards in february next year.
after 3 days of waiting, it all came down to this final moment. one push of a button and all will be revealed. will i be moving on towards the next stage of my medical career, or will i be stuck in a limbo-like status, awaiting the next opportunity to take the boards and prove my worth as a doctor. i cannot delay the inevitable much longer.
i pushed the down button, and the page scrolled up one space. i stared at the name that came up. time seemed to stand still at that moment. all sensation left me, i was numb throughout. i couldn't seem to breathe. i stared at the name so hard that i might have burned a hole right through my laptop's screen. and then, all the emotions came flooding back, and all the air rushed back into my lungs. tears started to stream from my eyes. so that was it. that push of the button revealed my fate. all that was left was my laptop's screen staring back at me.
I DID IT!!!
i ran errands the whole day. it was my way of releasing some of the tension that has been brewing since sunday, the last day of the board exam. i brought my mom to makati medical center for her regular check-ups. i met up with my intern friends (i was ahead one year) who were doing their internship at the said institution. even though it was raining like crazy and the majority of the roads were starting to flood, i lounged around coffee shops, walked around the mall, and played guitar hero at time zone. then i met up with my mom, who happened to run into my uncle who was a former commissioner at the professional regulation commission. we had light snack, owing to the fact that i might throw up anything that i eat. then he made calls and inquired when the results will be posted. 10pm, he said. start looking on the internet by 10pm.
so 10pm came. i logged into the website of manila bulletin. and there on the right side of the page was a box containing the list of board passers. what once only contained links to the board passers in physical therapy, optometry, veterinary medicine, and career executive officers examination, it now also contained a link of the list of new physicians. with my hand shaking, i clicked on the link. the page loaded up. it started with abad, april jo alagad. so scared was i at that moment that i didn't have the guts to jump to those with surnames ending with S to see if i passed. very slowly, i scrolled down, stopping only when i saw familiar names. and then the successful examinees whose surnames started with the letter S began to appear. scrolling down further, the surname santos began to appear. and then i saw the name of santos, orestes rafael lopez. he was the guy seated in front of me during the board exam. so that means my name is either after his or not there at all. at that point i was really, really scared. i so wanted to push the down button to see if i passed, yet hesitating for fear of disappointment. and then i remembered all that i went through up to that point.
june 2002. my first year in med school. we were only a handful from my class in college who went to my med school. it was only in first year med that i somewhat began to take studying seriously. i bought thick textbooks which i managed to read. i spent hours after class in the laboratory dissecting and studying our group's cadaver and peeking through the eye piece of my microscope trying to study histology. i first experienced interviewing a patient during that year. i also experienced failing my first exam in first year, having not failed any since i started in elementary. but i made it through with good enough grades to land in the middle standing of my class.
second and third year med school went a lot faster. i have grown accustomed to the teaching style. i've developed my study habits by then. i was at ease. managed to get good grades.
fourth year med school. medical clerkship. i traded my white school uniform to wear THE white uniform. i now started having actual hospital work. my stethoscope actually serves a purpose now. every other day duty, with actual patients assigned to my care. a very tough year. balancing hospital duty with studies was no easy feat. and the lack of sleep didn't help either. but i still managed to get through it. i finally graduated med school, earning the degree of Doctor of Medicine.
fifth year, post-graduate internship. i now have the initials MD written after my name. i started to wear that white coat everyone so dreamed about. no longer was i addressed by people as clerk or junior intern. now, everybody calls me doctor. bigger responsibilities came with the bigger expectations people had from us.
after internship, preparations for the coming board exams ensued. i started studying like a man possessed, reading through textbooks like there was no tomorrow. the pressure was on. squeezing 5 years of medical school in 3 months, that was all the time i had left.
until finally, the board exams came. sitting through 4 days of examinations, coming out of each exam feeling depressed and defeated. surely, i thought to myself, there was no way that i'll pass the boards judging by my performance in the exams. when i stood up from my chair and handed in my answer sheet for the final subject on the final day of the board exam, all i thought was that i'd be retaking the boards in february next year.
after 3 days of waiting, it all came down to this final moment. one push of a button and all will be revealed. will i be moving on towards the next stage of my medical career, or will i be stuck in a limbo-like status, awaiting the next opportunity to take the boards and prove my worth as a doctor. i cannot delay the inevitable much longer.
i pushed the down button, and the page scrolled up one space. i stared at the name that came up. time seemed to stand still at that moment. all sensation left me, i was numb throughout. i couldn't seem to breathe. i stared at the name so hard that i might have burned a hole right through my laptop's screen. and then, all the emotions came flooding back, and all the air rushed back into my lungs. tears started to stream from my eyes. so that was it. that push of the button revealed my fate. all that was left was my laptop's screen staring back at me.
I DID IT!!!
